This week I said farewell to 27 students as two of our eight-week MBSR classes came to a close. We always spend a little time in the last session experiencing how it feels to let go; noting what arises as we reach the end of something. Every time I do this practice I am so moved by how it feels to let go of the endlessly fascinating, complex and lovely people I have grown to know during the course. For everyone there is a little pain, a little anxiety and not a little joy! It reminds me that it is our natural human tendency to measure and compare our experience:
I like how it is now
I don’t want this to change
I don’t want to let go
Maybe the next thing won’t be as good
I want to stay here till I get this right
I’m not ready to move on
I’ve been ill over the last few months and have had some rather scary meetings with medical specialists, not to mention a number of tests that are still not conclusive. From time to time I’ve been so tired I wondered if I ought to stop teaching mindfulness. Were my students getting as much as others had on previous courses? Was the quality of my teaching deteriorating? Did I have the energy to go on? Should I retire now, or in the autumn? Should I take a sabbatical? Some of me just wouldn't let go of the questions.
My best friend (who is also my mindfulness buddy) was unequivocal. ‘Give up some of the other things you do if you must, but don’t give up this,' he said. ‘This feeds you and sustains you like nothing else does. You'll know when it is time to let it go.' He helped me realise that I don’t actually need to waste my energy thinking too much about future plans. So I have continued, reviewing each new request for work as it arises, rather than making a long-term plan. It’s quite a shift for someone who in a previous life was hot stuff at strategic planning!
Now, as I am sifting through course evaluation responses the one that tickled and surprised me most was the one that said, ‘You have such wonderful energy as a teacher…’
When I thank the students in our final session for all they have taught me; for their gentleness and kindness with each other; for their generous contributions and for our practice together - someone will often ask, ‘Are we your best class?’ I realise the correct reply is, ‘Yes! You are!’ For the best class is always is one we are with at that moment.
I like how it is now
I don’t want this to change
I don’t want to let go
Maybe the next thing won’t be as good
I want to stay here till I get this right
I’m not ready to move on
I’ve been ill over the last few months and have had some rather scary meetings with medical specialists, not to mention a number of tests that are still not conclusive. From time to time I’ve been so tired I wondered if I ought to stop teaching mindfulness. Were my students getting as much as others had on previous courses? Was the quality of my teaching deteriorating? Did I have the energy to go on? Should I retire now, or in the autumn? Should I take a sabbatical? Some of me just wouldn't let go of the questions.
My best friend (who is also my mindfulness buddy) was unequivocal. ‘Give up some of the other things you do if you must, but don’t give up this,' he said. ‘This feeds you and sustains you like nothing else does. You'll know when it is time to let it go.' He helped me realise that I don’t actually need to waste my energy thinking too much about future plans. So I have continued, reviewing each new request for work as it arises, rather than making a long-term plan. It’s quite a shift for someone who in a previous life was hot stuff at strategic planning!
Now, as I am sifting through course evaluation responses the one that tickled and surprised me most was the one that said, ‘You have such wonderful energy as a teacher…’
When I thank the students in our final session for all they have taught me; for their gentleness and kindness with each other; for their generous contributions and for our practice together - someone will often ask, ‘Are we your best class?’ I realise the correct reply is, ‘Yes! You are!’ For the best class is always is one we are with at that moment.